ITS BEEN A WHILE.....

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All in....

Taking suggestions, talking with like minded friends who are real friends, listening to advice, praying, going to meetings, being honest and openedminded, helping someone else, all on a daily basis....  Yeah, I'm all in! !   What works just simply works.... What do you do?

Living on a prayer ......

Living on a prayer....

Hold on to what we got
We got each other and that's a lot.  Well give it a shot.  Halfway there living on a prayer. Bon Jovi circa 1986....
While in rehab, I got down on my knees and prayed to God with all my earnestness, please God lift the obsession from me and protect me from my affliction.  I know that I meant it.  Thirty-six years old, having a heart attack was not along the normal scheme of things.  Why me?   Why not me? I lived as if I didn't have a care in the world.  Health issues?  Nah not me....never that.  It really didn't seem like anything significant at the time.  Although I was very serious about it.  The next day I couldn't believe how I felt.  A glimmer of hope maybe, a relief of affliction possibly.  I just don't know. I stood firm on not taking suboxone or Trazadone or anything else.  I even watched my coffee consumption.  Although it was a concentrated effort, something was different.  I began reading my Bible again, proverbs and psalms....
After coming out of rehab, I thought for sure the obsession would come back... I prepared the whole time by thanking him for keeping it away and asked him to continue to keep it away...  And as hours turned to days... I continued with it.  Now that a few twenty fours have gone by it just seems that it has never come back.  Triggers, others using, old spots ect. not to this day....but I keep it real simple and follow the suggestions of the twelve step fellowship.  I don't always understand how this has happened but I am sure that it has. 
I thank God for other things and pray in other ways today but
I'll never forget to pray to keep the obsession away. 

Keep it simple...

I live to complicate everything, I love to complicate everything.  Staying in the moment or doing the next right thing is the rule of thumb.  My emotional brain is always in constant conflict with my core being.  Logically I want to save my skin.  Emotionally I want to save my face.

If you receive information then you are not projecting but it you are affected by the person or situation then you are projecting
When projection comes into play then you are setting the sides or insides of a disowned or defected part of ourselves.

Possible that stressful reactions to stressors could be directly correlated with emotional state of mind.  The parasite that my emotional function is effected by is  definitely a combination of reliance of my own cumulative experience and what my conscience actions are fEd by either negative or positive. To completely extinguish the bad actions one must completely eradicate themselves from past negative experience and to fully become aware of my shortcomings to deal with the emotional self as it stands.

This is not easy and it will take alot if practice.  Daily practice.

Happy? Why not?

Think Positive:
What do you do to make yourself feel happy, something that does not have a negative consequence of course.  If you don't know what makes you happy then try new things that seem to make others happy.  If your thoughts are happy and positive then your errors and actions could be happy.  Please let me know how and what makes you happy.

Physical activities:
Outdoors especially, sunlight causes a chemical reaction within your body which you cannot synthesize with any other method.  Exercise or physical action releases natural highs that can become something that you enjoy as well. Think Positive:
What do you do to make yourself feel happy, something that does not have a negative consequence of course.  If you don't know what makes you happy then try new things that seem to make others happy.  If your thoughts are happy and positive then your errors and actions could be happy.  Please let me know how and what makes you happy.

Eat right
Folate-rich foods, like leafy greens. Folate(folic acid) is a water-soluble vitamin that is necessary for cell division, DNA synthesis, and healthy blood cell production. Research at the University of York and Hull York Medical School has found a link between depression and low levels of folate.  Cooked lentils, which provides 90% of the RDA of folic acid. Plus, the fiber and protein will satisfy you longer, stabilize blood sugar, and also promote a better mood. Find folate in kale, broccoli, spinach, asparagus, turnip greens, bok choy, legumes, sunflower seeds, oranges, melons, beets, and fortified whole grains.

Try, try, try again!

Getting knocked down is just simply life on lifes terms.  No one had maintained perfect adherence to these principles.  Having heard this over and over in this process can feel monotonous.  Reality check is definitely needed. 
I am one of the unfortunates that has chronically relapsed over and over.  Now that I have a few days under my belt,I have forgiven myself for that but others are not so forgiving.  Acceptance of self is again the key to recovery.  Of course I will make mistakes in this process.  Pencils have erasers.  The point is that at least I am aware of my part in the actions or more likely the reactions to life.  Remembering that I can only constantly attempt to do the next right thing and seek counsel from those who suffer from the same malady.  But who can not admit that the impulse to act as one always has is prevalent and likely.  Wiping the slate clean"tabula rasa"and starting anew is tough.  Practicing is crucial.  Awareness of self is required.  A process based in action. 

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Need a map? How do you start your day?

If you did what you could, your day would be good...
Take into consideration that everything you have done in active addiction has led you to a point where just getting out of bed could be troublesome.  Having a bad morning has led to many bad days and is a great risk for relapse.  If your like me physical pain is a real obstacle.  Other people in your home could also be obstacles. 
A good start is to discipline yourself.  Setting yourself up the night before could be the key to success. 
Just like getting your clothes ready the night before, get your recovery ready. Make a list of things you should do.  Don't be afraid to constantly adjust the list based on what works for you. If you forget something, that's ok to.  You are still in the process of recovery, no one on this path is perfect.  When that alarm goes off I am on autopilot.  The more I train my brain the better off I am.  Get the rest you need. Allow yourself the sleep you deserve.  Avoid sleep aids unless you are under the care of a doctor, who knows your full condition.  Rely on natural remedies such as tea or over the counter melatonin as safer alternatives.  Most unnatural aids leave you groggy or foggy in the morning and defeat the purpose of a good nights sleep.  Taking over the counter pain medication just prior to bed could help relieve some of the morning aches and pains that make waking up hard.  Prayer and meditation assists most people in recovery at bed time and in the waking moments if the day.
Seeing the reading materials that assist in my recovery helps to remind me that I should read them.  Put them somewhere close, or if you spend time in the bathroom put them there or on the table where you drink your tea or morning coffee. If your house is total chaos in the morning... then find the time by waking up earlier then the chaos or a quieter time or spot.  The car, the basement, the bathroom at work, any where, if the procedure to start your day is delayed slightly it is still the effort that your recovery needs.  This is the new gratification that you must look forward to... You new habit will become something that you look forward to. If you don't do it you will notice the differences immediately.

Calling people such as your sponsor or support group is also highly recommended. 

Just remember if your day stats off bad you and only you can restart it at any moment throughout the day.  We don't have bad days in recovery unless we allow it... Just simply bad moments.

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The greatest decision I ever made....

Making the decision to change your life. What really defines surrender? No one is exactly sure how to activate this state of radical change, but it is pretty easy to spot it once you have the ball rolling. Willingness is a key element. The addict becomes willing to do pretty much anything to get out of the misery of their addiction. But the decision to change is deeper than that. It has to come from a place of complete surrender, where you stop fighting and struggling to control things. At least in early recovery, the best thing you can do is to give up. To let go. To stop fighting for control. This is the correct mindset for radical change. A lot of addicts and alcoholics are at a place in their addiction where they wish things were different, but they are not yet willing to take massive action in order to make big changes. They realize that their addiction is dragging them down, and they may even realize that it is their main source of unhappiness, but they still do not see that the solution is to let go of their need for control and allow a new solution into their lives. People get confused about recovery and how it unfolds. They have bias that their path to surrender is the only possible path. They also have bias that their method of recovery is the only way to beat an addiction. In truth, the recovery is born out of surrender, and the actions taken do not have to be defined in great detail. There is no great mystery in recovery. There is no great secret that allows an addict or alcoholic to remain clean and sober. This is not rocket science. Even the 12 steps are merely suggestions, there is no magic in them, no mystery….simple abstinence and support is enough to maintain sobriety for anyone who has truly surrendered. Do not give power to the mystery of a solution, because in truth, the solution is in the surrender, it is in the willingness, not in the program. The decision to change your life has to come from within. It is not a surface level decision, like deciding whether to have ice cream or not. Nudging the addict or alcoholic closer to this decision can only be done indirectly, through changing your own behavior so that you do not enable them. Getting yourself closer to this decision can only be done through internal surrender, a process that does not seem to be voluntary. In other words, you cannot choose to surrender. It has to happen on its own….thus is the way of addiction. If you could choose to surrender, you probably would not be a real addict or alcoholic. In the end, we surrender and make the decision to change after we have had “enough.” Enough what? Enough pain.

Truely a ROADMAP to RECOVERY!!!!

Breaking Addiction: A 7-Step Handbook for Ending Any Addiction

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Alcoholism/Drug Addiction: A Disease or Not!, What Causes Alcoholism and Drug Addiction.: What Causes Alcoholism and Drug Addictio

TALKING THE TALK .....

Recovery Slogans Alcoholics Anonymous Slogans AA  formally uses these Simple Slogans to assist members to recover during difficult periods. Easy Does It First Things First Live and let Live Think......Think.......Think One Day At a Time But for the Grace of God Principles before Personalities Al-Anon Family Groups Slogans Al-Anon formally uses the above AA Slogans as well as these slogans to assist members to recover during difficult periods. Let go and let God This too shall pass Let it begin with me Just for today Courage to change Overeaters Anonymous Slogans Put down the fork Nothing tastes as good as abstinence Abstinence is the most important thing in my life  Gamblers Anonymous Slogans Stay away from the first bet One day at a Time Don't gamble for Today Get to Meetings Turn it Over Other Helpful Saying's heard around AA and other 12 Step Rooms Reality Checks Where ever you go .......there you are You are not alone Stay sober for yourself Look for similarities rather than differences Remember your last drunk, use, bet etc Remember that addiction is incurable, progressive, and fatal It takes time to get better Depression is anger toward inward The lesson I must learn is simply that my control is limited to my own behavior, my own attitudes The flip side to forgiveness is resentments The elevator is broken-------use the 'steps' It isn't the load that weighs us down------it's the way we carry it If I think, I won't drink. If I drink, I can't think Sick and tired of being sick and tired This is a selfish program I drank, ate, gambled, etc: too much---too often---too long Minds are like parachutes----they won't work unless they're open When your head begins to swell your mind stops growing A journey of a 1,000 miles begins with the first step When a person tries to control their addiction they have already lost control Staying Abstinent Poor me.....Poor me...... Pour me a drink! It's the "first" drink that gets you drunk One alcoholic talking to another........ Do it sober Every recovery from addiction began with one sober Minute The first step is the only step a person can work perfectly you are not required to like it, you're only required to DO IT Your 12 step program will work if you want it to work Keep coming back If you want to drink-----that is your business,  if you want to quit-------that is our business Don't compare---identify, don't intellectualize----utilize Stay away from the First Drink, Drug, Bet (apply your specific addiction here) Nothing is so bad, using won't make it worse Most folks commit suicide with a knife and fork (Eating disorders) First we stayed sober because we have to... then we stay sober because we are willing to.... finally we stay sober because we want to... One drink is too many and thousand not enough Try not place conditions on your sobriety Bring the body and the mind will follow We all have another drunk left in us but we don't know if we have another recovery in us Be as enthusiastic about recovery as you were about your addiction Daily Living Be part of the solution, not part of the problem Use the 24-hour plan Live in the NOW Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth To keep it (recovery), you have to give it away What goes around, comes around Keep an open mind Do the next "right thing" If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere To thine own self be true There are two days in every week which we have no control over----yesterday and tomorrow. today is the only day we can change. When wallowing in your self-pity ...... get off the cross! We need the wood Learn a new dance - the old  "Cross - Pot Shuffle" is out of vogue Act as if......... It is not the experience of today that drives people mad----it is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Get it ---give it---grow in it Every day is a gift that is why we call it the 'present' Dry and tighten up (financially) Before engaging your mouth, put your mind in gear! Recovery is an education without a graduation Easy does it, but do it When all else fails, follow directions Addicts heal from the outside in.........but feel from the inside out Stick with the winners Look after the Little Things Keep coming back..........it works if you work it Sobriety is a journey ..........not a destination We are only as sick as our secrets Share your happiness Share your pain Count your blessings We're responsible for the effort - not the outcome! Sorrow is looking back, Worry is looking around Formula for failure: try to please everyone Humility is our acceptance of ourselves Enjoy your Recovery Sober `n` crazy How does one become an "old-timer" ? Don't drink or use and don't die! We addict's are 'gifted' people We don't carry the alcoholic/ addict - we carry the message The 12 steps tell us how it works; the 12 traditions tell us why it works......... Your 12 step program won't ...........keep you from going to hell.............nor is it a ticket to heaven............but it will...........keep u sober long enough.........for you to make up your mind...............which way you want to go! The person with the most sobriety at a meeting is the one who got up earliest that morning Humility is not thinking less of yourself; It is thinking of yourself less. Denial What if......... Yeah but...... If only ....... Remember when............ Around recovery or "in" recovery? In action we got sympathy-----as long as our money lasted. Your 12 step program never opened the gates of heaven to let you in, It did open the gates of hell to let you out Danger sign: when your eyes have wandered from the alcoholic who still suffers and needs help-----to the faults of those whom the program has already helped! There are none too dumb for the 12 step program - but many are too smart I want what I want, when I want it Alcoholism is the only disease that tells you you're all right The first step in overcoming mistakes is to admit them Knowledge of "the answers" never made anyone slip---it was failing to practice "the answers" that were known. Higher Power I can't .........He can..........I think I'll let him (steps 1,2,3) If it works.........Don't fix it Recovery is not something you join, it's a way of life Expect miracles!  God is never late Courage is faith that has said its prayers There is a god and I am not it Faith is a lighted doorway, trust is a darkened hall We had to quit playing god There are no atheists in foxholes Possibilities and miracles are one in the same The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you When we surrender to our higher power, the journey begins I came -I came to - I came to believe Faith without works is dead Get out of the driver's seat.......let go and let god Fear is the absence of faith When man listens, God speaks; when man obeys, God works The task ahead of us is never as great as the power behind us If God seems far away, who moved ? If faith without works is dead; then .........willingness without action is fantasy Turn it over, the results are in god's hand Willpower = our will-ingness to use a higher power Remember nothing is going to happen today that you and God can't handle Man's extremity is god's opportunity AA = Altered Attitudes I can't handle it God; you take over God answers "knee mails" Backsliding begins when knee-bending ends Spirituality is the ability to get our minds off ourselves There is no chemical solution to a spiritual problem Faith is our greatest gift; sharing it with others our greatest responsibility Serenity Respect the anonymity of others Try to replace guilt with gratitude Let go of old ideas Change is a process, not an event Take what you can use and leave the rest The price for serenity and sanity is self-sacrifice You can't give away what you don't have There are 12 steps in the ladder of complete sobriety Sponsorship Sponsors: have one-----use one-----be one When you are a sponsor, you get out of yourself If I serve, I will be served Call your sponsor Make use of the telephone therapy Call your sponsor before, not after, you take the first drink Help is only a phone call away There are no coincidences in recovery It works -------it really does ! Your Big Book is your sponsor too Willingness is the key More will be revealed Be nice to newcomers .........one day they may be your sponsor "You will intuitively know" AA Promises click here to read the AA Promises in full  You will be amazed 12 step programs are a school in which we are all learners and all teachers No pain.........no gain You either is-------or you ain't (clean) Some of us our sicker than others We're all here because we're not all there Alcoholism / addiction is an equal opportunity destroyer The road to sobriety is a simple journey for confused people with a complicated disease Pass it on You received without cost, now give without charge It's in the book Before you say: I can't ............say I'll try Don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens Practice an attitude of gratitude Another friend of Bill W's ( Bill Wilson is the co-founder of AA ) God will never give you more than you can handle Have a good day unless of course you have made other plans Decisions aren't forever 90 meetings in 90 days.........90/90 Don't drink, don't think, read the Big Book, and go to meetings Recovery Acronyms and Word Associations H.A.L.T. - hungry, angry, lonely, tired Stop everything and get back into recovery  H.O.W - honesty, open-mindedness and willingness Kiss---keep it simple sweetie  Anger is but one letter away from danger Fear is the darkroom where negatives are developed FEAR (f--- everything and run) Faith is spelled ...............a-c-t-i-o-n We can be positive that our drinking was negative The 7t's ---take time to think the thing through EGO - Edge God Out The 3 T's of gratitude to repay for our sobriety: our time, our talent, our treasure Keep your sobriety first, to make it last Fear stands for Frustration Carry the Message The only thing we take from this world when we leave is what we gave away We give it away to keep it Trust god.........clean house........help others There are members who MAKE things happen there are members who WATCH things happen there are members who DON'T KNOW anything happen WHICH ARE YOU ? Relationships Active alcoholics don't have relationships; they take hostages "zipper slipper" There is a "slip" under every skirt - ( an oldie from the politically incorrect days of AA that still is important today) The lesson I must learn is simply that my control is limited to my own behavior, my own attitudes The Tools Of Recovery 12 step Meetings - Attend at least one meeting a week Plan of Recovery - Draw up a schedule of daily recovery actions with your sponsors help Telephone - Use the telephone with other 12 step members to avoid Isolation and keep clean Sponsor - Get a sponsor and Be a sponsor Writing - Put things down on paper instead of letting them roll around in your head Service - Set up the meeting room, chair a meeting, clean up the room after the meeting, greet newcomers. Anonymity - Practice the non use of gossip to make yourself feel better Approved Literature - Read the approved 12 step literature Spirituality Spirituality is the ability to get our minds off ourselves Bend your knees before you bend your elbow GOD = God Orderly Direction Accept your admission and Get a new attitude There is no magic in recovery only miracles The road to disappointment is paved with expectation A "coincidence" is a miracle in which god chooses to remain anonymous It's a pity we can't forget our troubles the same way we forget our blessings We are not human beings having spiritual experiences; we are spiritual beings having human experiences If it isn't God's will ............I can't make it happen If it is meant to be...........I can't stop it Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth Religion is for those who fear god.........spirituality is for those who have been to hell and back  You are exactly where God wants you to be To be forgiven - we must forgive Time wasted in getting even can never be used in getting ahead Be careful what you pray for; you're liable to get it If you turn it over and don't let go of it, you will be upside down. Serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace amid the storm Trying to pray is praying Sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised God taught us to laugh again but God please don't let us forget that we once cried Faith is not belief without proof but trust without reservation Meetings A 12 step meeting is where losers get together to talk about their winnings What you hear and see here, stays here! AA is the highest priced club in the world.........if u have paid the dues, why not enjoy the benefits ? Chair a meeting Share your experience, strength and hope, not just your garbage Isolation is a killer, use your telephone list, come to an extra meeting, reach out and help the newcomer or struggling member. Each and every alcoholic / addict ----sober or not----teaches us some valuable lessons about ourselves and recovery When you do all the talking you only learn what you already know Seven days without a meeting makes one WEAK AA has a wrench to fit every nut that walks through a meeting room door 12 step programs may not solve all your problems but are willing to share them The time to attend a meeting is when you least feel like going AA Saying's Don't watch the "slippers" but watch those who don't slip closely and watch them go through difficulties and pull through Work the program from the waist up Some people are so successful in AA that they turn out to be almost as good as they used to think they were when they were drinking. AA spoils your drinking! In AA we get understanding------for nothing! Anonymity is so important it's half of our name Even my worst day in sobriety / clean is better than my best day drunk / using When all else fails.........the directions are in the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) If we don't grow, we gotta go Read AA approved literature. Other books and materials, while they may be excellent, are usually only one individuals slant on a subject. All you need to start your own AA meeting is a resentment and a coffee pot!! Why recovery never ends: the disease is alcoholISm, not alcoholWASM! The AA way of life is meant to be bread for daily use, not cake for special occasions The smartest thing an AA member can say is, " help me " It takes the good and bad AA meeting----the good and bad AA talk -----to make the fellowship "work" 3 A's in AA-----affection (thoughtfulness) -----attention (listening) -----appreciation (gratitude) Slippers in AA use the RDP---revolving door policy AA works for people who believe in god AA works for people who don't believe in god AA NEVER works for people who believe they ARE god The AA Promises THE PROMISES If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.  We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.  No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.  That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.  We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.  Self-seeking will slip away.  Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.  Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.  We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.  We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. The will always materialize if we work for them. Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition p. 84 The Addicts Paradoxes: From weakness (adversity) comes strength We forgive to be forgiven We suffer to get well We surrender to win We die to live From darkness comes light From dependence we found independence Wolf Parable An elder Apache was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them,"A fight is going on inside me; it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person too." They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old Grandpa simply replied, "The one you feed. Are you feeding your addiction or your recovery? Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problems at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a LIFETIME. AlAnon

When All Else fails use Rule 62.